1. Time does not heal, it just changes thoughts.

Even the most acute pain dulls over time. This happens because all our life we ​​study, learn new things, gain experience and develop. Thanks to new event information overestimated our brains, we begin to see them differently.

But there are situations that hurt us so much that we look at them very narrowly, cannot get new information and get stuck in them. This is where cognitive psychologists come in. Experts help you ask yourself questions and get new data. This is how one manages to get rid of the traps of consciousness, to see events from the other side, to objectively evaluate one’s reaction and feelings.

Olga Savolkova

Clinical psychologist, head of the Association of Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy in Yekaterinburg

In the cognitive-behavioral approach, we believe that a person’s reaction to a situation depends on what meaning he attaches to this event, how he interprets it. And this, in turn, depends on life experience, beliefs and attitudes.

A specialist helps a person to realize his thoughts and attitudes, to check how realistic and useful they are, to make them more functional and suitable for a comfortable life. For this, specific techniques of self-observation and cognitive restructuring are used.

2. The most comfortable place in the world is the hug of a loved one.

Any hug is valuable and important: touch helps to establish contact with another person and feel safe. And there is a scientific explanation for this. The state of mind affects not only the brain, but also the body. Certain muscle groups respond to stress and help you live through it. We intuitively recognize this even in childhood and, for example, even from a photograph we determine that a person is crying, simply by looking at his facial expressions and posture.

If a negative situation cannot be resolved with the help of rational arguments or splashed out emotions, it remains at the bodily level, there is muscle tension. If you do not work with these feelings, there are muscle clamps. Then they turn into blocks, from which the “shell” grows. He “freezes” these feelings to protect the person. Body-oriented therapists work with such cases.

Victoria Malyutina

Clinical psychologist, body-oriented therapist

In body-oriented therapy, there is a technique called hugging. With its help, you can be imbued with a sense of security, establish contact with the therapist, feel where these clamps are.

So it will become clear what the experiences are connected with, and it will be possible to cope with them. Muscle blocks can be worked out with the help of exercises and pressure on points, and communication during a consultation will help to live emotions.

3. Do not raise children, they will still look like you. educate yourself

This English proverb says not only that you should not punish a child for smoking with a cigarette in his hand. Her idea is much broader. A baby is born with a “clean slate” and then learns to live by studying the world around him, especially his family. On this under construction Behaviorism is a psychological concept, the essence of which is that all human behavior is determined by its reaction to the external environment and the experience of ancestors.

Man is a complex being, so it was not possible to reduce psychology to behaviorism. But thanks to this direction, a psychologist can help a person get rid of phobias and bad habits.

Olga Savolkova

Clinical psychologist, head of the Association of Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy in Yekaterinburg

The behavioral approach is based on the idea that a person develops typical response patterns to certain situations. This is very similar to the conditioned reflex according to Pavlov.

Help in this approach is focused on forming a different response to a stimulus or situation that is causing difficulty. This is done using special methods, such as a behavioral experiment or exposure.

4. There is no right choice in reality – there is only a choice made and its consequences

This may sound like an excuse. But this is the basis of an important branch of philosophy. Existentialist philosophers believe that the universe is so incomprehensible to humans that our mind simply cannot assess the correctness of the choice. At the same time, people are doomed to constantly face the choice and bear responsibility for it.

Existentialist psychologists are not so pessimistic about this. For them, the path of each person is unique, his experience cannot be projected onto others, therefore it is impossible to assess what is right and what is not. But the main thing is that a person is able reply for the choice made and, if problems arise in the process, solve them.

Anatoly Akimov

Existentially-oriented therapist, author of the telegram channel “everything is fine, what are you”

Each of us has limitations. Even more: human life consists of them. Irvin Yalom, one of the most famous existential therapists, talks about the four “givens of being”: death, loneliness, freedom, and the absence of meaning. Existential therapy helps people accept these limitations. No matter how paradoxical it may sound, it is the recognition of one’s limitations that allows one to see the world in all its diversity and, most importantly, to feel freedom.

I want to warn you: where there is freedom, there is responsibility and autonomy. Man is the creator of his own universe, and he himself has to look for meaning in uncertainty. That is why freedom is scary, but necessary.

5. Don’t regret what you did, regret what you didn’t do

Often, with this motto, people do some very controversial things for their well-being, but this can be useful. Gestalt therapists say that unmet needs are constantly pull over the attention of the brain and its resources. Until you get what you want. So, even if the action did not bring the result that you expected, it at least calmed your mind. And this is already good.

Nika Dmitrieva

Clinical Psychologist, Accredited Gestalt Therapist

Behind every need is an emotion. It tells us what we need, what unmet needs we have. Kurt Lewin, the developer of field theory, said that any unsatisfied needs have a charge and attract us in order for us to satisfy them.

6. If you didn’t have a bike as a child, and now you have a Bentley, then you still didn’t have a bike as a child

It sounds cruel, but there is truth in this – we all come from childhood. This is the basis of the theory of psychoanalysis. When it comes to her, years of couch talk, Freud, and hidden phallic symbols in everything are presented. But in fact, this method helps a person figure out in the inner world and the motives of their actions.

Psychoanalysis helps to find destructive attitudes, including those from childhood, and deal with them so that they stop interfering with the present. If the Gestalt therapist offers to buy a two-wheeled friend for the Bentley, then the psychoanalyst will help to understand why the bicycle is so important and what it symbolizes. Maybe it’s not about him at all.

Elena Kotova


You can often hear that psychoanalysis is outdated, but it is not. Modern psychoanalysis has undergone significant changes, some theories have been completely abandoned.

Being a psychodynamic approach, psychoanalysis draws attention to the deep phenomena of the human psyche: beliefs, drives, experience, norms.

The psychoanalyst works with the free flow of thoughts (method of free association), refers to the client’s memories, past, dreams and interprets the information received in order to apply new knowledge in real life.