Why can’t you keep your anger inside?
According to data According to the American Psychological Association, only 10% of anger ends in aggression – physical or verbal pressure to cause harm.
On the one hand, this is good, because in a state of passion it is easy to do something that you will regret. On the other hand, it can be no less dangerous to keep negativity in oneself.
Yes, in one experiment found that men who express anger are less likely to suffer from myocardial infarction and stroke than those who show almost no negative emotions.
In addition, by not giving vent to emotions on an ongoing basis, you risk switch to passive-aggressive behavior, become cynical and hostile, which will not have the best effect on your relationship.
How to safely vent your anger
Here are five good ways to get rid of anger as safely as possible for yourself and others.
1. Destroy unnecessary things
If you have the opportunity, retire to a free room and throw out aggression on objects.
Lifehacker fitness expert.
When I taught my son to read, his inattention and unwillingness to concentrate drove me to white heat. In order not to break down on the child, I asked him to wait, after which I carried the broken toys in another room with particular cruelty and returned to classes in a calm and even high spirits.
Use whatever you don’t mind. Pillows, old furniture, paper, broken toys or non-working appliances. Just be careful with sharp and fragile objects: in a state of passion, you can get hurt and not even notice it.
2. Try the empty chair method
This is one of the most popular Gestalt Therapy techniques. helps resolve internal conflicts.
You put two chairs opposite each other and sit on one of them. Depending on the goal, on the second one you can represent the person with whom you had a conflict, or, for example, your inner critic.
After that, you aloud to the imaginary interlocutor everything you want: the essence of the problem, accusations, arguments in favor of your decision. Then you move to another chair and answer, but now on behalf of the one to whom all this was intended, whether it be an individual person or some part of you that does not agree with the previous opinion.
By imagining yourself in the place of another person, you are trying to understand his point of view. And this is very important when it comes to conflicts.
In one overview research noted that having a constructive dialogue, talking about their experiences and trying to understand the interlocutor is the least unhealthy way to show anger.
Those who dealt with their negative feelings in this way were much less likely to suffer from heart disease, depression, and anxiety than people who were accustomed to blaming others and proving themselves right.
There are two benefits to using the empty chair method:
- Do not spoil the relationship with the one who caused a flurry of negative emotions, but instead, safely throw out aggression and reduce the degree of tension.
- Try to understand the motives of the other person, which will have a good effect on your condition and help get rid of anger.
3. Listen to music
This is a good way for situations where you can’t be alone and have to deal with your emotions around other people.
Put on your headphones, select the heaviest, darkest and most aggressive song and turn it up at full volume.
This method has saved me more than once in the gym after unsuccessful runs in the snatch or clean and jerk. Someone kicks a bucket of locks and swears at the whole room, and I put on my headphones and turn on something like Uratsakidogi “You feel it.” Helps no worse.
If possible, try to sing along as well, and do it as loudly as you want.
4. Write about how you feel
When you are angry or frightened, the amygdala is activated in the brain – a structure responsible for the fight-or-flight response. Since survival is directly dependent on the work of this area of u200bu200bthe brain, it is very sensitive to all sorts of threats, real or imagined.
However, there is something that can pacify the activity of the anxiety system of the brain, namely, the verbal expression of emotions.
In one experiment people were shown a picture of an angry face and asked to choose between the labels “Angry” and “Scared”. The next time they repeated the same thing, but now they asked the participants to choose between “Harry” and “Sally”.
The scientists found that when people labeled a photo as “evil,” activity in the amygdala decreased, while the choice of a name had no effect on how the amygdala worked.
Psychology professor Matthew Lieberman explainsthat by putting our feelings into words, we activate the right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex (rVlPFC), the brain structure responsible for processing emotions and restraining impulses.
This helps to calm the amygdala and come to your senses.
Grab a piece of paper and a pen or open a note on your phone and write down all your feelings at the moment, what caused them, and absolutely anything you want to add. Feel free to express yourself, don’t worry about spelling and punctuation, and if you want, destroy the text as soon as you’re done.
5. Set up a workout
There is some evidence that regular exercise help Better control of anger and stress management.
Moreover, aerobic exercise provoke the release of endogenous cannabinoids – substances that transmit signals between nerve cells, reduce anxiety and symptoms of depression, and in large quantities can provide a feeling of euphoria.
Thus, after running a dozen kilometers or doing an intense interval complex, you are very likely to forget about your anger and feelings altogether. However, this method is only suitable for those who are already engaged and are well aware of their capabilities and limitations.
The fact is that when you are angry, you feel badly about your condition: you lose concentration and caution, do not notice fatigue and ignore pain. All this greatly increases the risk of injury.
Moreover, anger and frustration combined with training increase the risk of getting a myocardial infarction and cerebral hemorrhage from a burst vessel. So, if you are already at risk for cardiovascular disease, do not try to go to the gym until you calm down.