He imposes his opinion on everyone. He starts talking – you can’t stop him. Boredom is not easy…
Many women value stability in relationships with men. However, for some representatives of the stronger sex, loyalty to their ideas about life and habits turns into boredom. How to respond to this trait of a man’s character and is it possible to help him become more flexible and understanding? Let’s try to figure it out.
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He is not inclined to believe anyone’s words and is suspicious of everything that happens. It is difficult to make rainbow plans with him, dreaming of an exotic vacation or building a country house. Due to excessive suspicion, it is difficult to move the skeptic from his place: he is sure that all changes are for the worse. Do not wait for the man to mature to approve your idea – act! Most bores prefer to passively watch others do something, muttering that they won’t succeed. Prove him the opposite!
What shall I do:
If you need to persuade a man to make some changes, analyze which sources of information he trusts even a little, and refer to them during the conversation.
The most suspicious and cautious skeptic is afraid, no matter what happens. Therefore, in controversial situations, it makes sense to take responsibility for yourself, promising to fix everything if something goes wrong.
A skeptic remembers his negative experience well and is afraid to get burned again. Try to draw your husband’s attention more often to the good things that happened to him, emphasizing his merits.
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The main goal of a bore-manipulator is to make a person feel guilty or to make them give in by tiring them with endless whining. The first signs of an attack look quite decent: a man simply expresses his opinion or voices his desire. However, if you are not in a hurry to agree, first small-caliber weapons are used in the form of questions, for example:
“Why can’t we buy this punch? What prevents us from taking the thing we need on sale?”
If you continue to stand your ground, reminding yourself that you already have a puncher, the heavy artillery is connected:
“We don’t have that at home! Now you refuse to buy it, and then it will cost twice as much! Women do not understand anything about budget planning and prefer to spend money on all kinds of nonsense instead of making profitable investments.
And you find yourself faced with a choice: to support another wish from the husband’s “wish list”, leaving the family with a half-empty refrigerator, or to condemn yourself to further listening to objections.
What shall I do:
Act proactively by discussing necessary purchases or other details in advance. So the man will have fewer opportunities for manipulation.
As soon as a man begins to manipulate, tell him about it: “Now you will pretend to be offended, and I will have to give in. And then we’ll ask mom for money, like last time.” It will not hurt to remind about the negative consequences.
Rephrase the husband’s request so that he can look at it from the side, as it sounds to you: “So you want to force me to do something that is against the interests of the family?”
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Are you sure you turned off the iron when you left the house? Did you forget to close the door? Is this hotel really All Inclusive? Have you checked this information? The boring controller constantly attacks others with similar questions.
To brush them off or try to escape with jokes means to cause a flow of morals on the topic of what happens if you don’t turn off the irons and don’t lock the doors. Man’s control covers all areas of your life: from health and menstrual cycle to nuances of professional activity. And the bore is absolutely not embarrassed that he has a completely different education, a different specialty and he does not understand your work at all.
What shall I do:
Explain to your husband what care means to you. Most controllers adopt a similar style of relationship from their parents’ family and simply do not know how to show love and attention in a different way.
Do not be ashamed to tell your husband that he is invading your personal space. At the same time, emphasize the fact that you are uncomfortable with his mistrust. That’s why you resist his total control, not because you have something to hide.
Show that you trust him so that he feels the freedom given. Emphasize that you respect his wishes, experience and knowledge and are ready to listen to his advice. And you count on the same attitude towards yourself.
His favorite word is “must”. It is necessary to dress warmly in the frost and take an umbrella during the rain. You should wash your hands before eating and contact proven specialists when starting repairs.
No matter what sphere of life you take, the mentor will always try to mark his position in the style of the statements of Captain Obvious. In order to find the optimal communication strategy with such a man, it is important to constantly remember the main motive of his desire to teach others.
The mentor really wants to look authoritative and significant, but he is not satisfied with the reputation of a specialist of a narrow profile or an expert in some specific field. It is important for him to demonstrate his competence on absolutely any issue. Therefore, a woman can choose two opposite lines of behavior – depending on how much she is ready to spare men’s feelings.
What shall I do:
As a rule, the mentor does not have questions about why you did not act as “should”. Therefore, give such a reason that would exclude further discussion, while at the same time demonstrating agreement with the man’s point of view. Circumstances outside of your control came together – let’s say the forecast of the forecasters, who said that sunny weather is expected (“Yes, yes, they are always wrong!”), and promise to always take an umbrella in the future.
An alternative to the previous strategy is a friendly but firm statement that you don’t like doing things the way you “should” do, you want to do things your way. Support this bold statement with a reference to various norms accepted in certain social strata, professional communities.
Try to demonstrate your awareness of controversial issues. Remember that you consulted with a lawyer, a leading designer, a chief sanitary doctor and other authorities, against whose words the mentor is unlikely to object.